Monday, 17 June 2013

Post Met Con: A New Recruit's Journey into Mudness

Who's Your  Momma?
We SURVIVED our first Met Con Blue! 
What a blast. Loved it loved it loved it.

My body has been on fire for two days now. Walking has proven to be quite a challenge, especially after sitting for a stretch of time (hell even after sitting for a brief period of time, like, say, on the toilet. Helloooo? Can anybody help me up to the standing position?) You know you may have overworked your quads a tad when, 48 hours after you descended a mountainside, you wince in sheer agony when your kitten walks across your legs.

But would I do it again, you ask? HELL YES! How insane is that?

A Helpful Chart for Those Thinking About Trying Met Con Blue 2014
(Circled Are All the Muscles Currently in Shock on My Sorry Body!)

As sore as my body is, I have already taken advantage of the "early early bird" registration and signed up for next year, as has my daughter and hopefully most of our team from this year! My goal, and my daughter's, and my friend Dawn's, is to train like hell this year to improve our upper body strength. I thought I had a little. Apparently I have none. Unlike my iron woman friend Janate, who helped heave oh, I would guess about 250 live bodies over various obstacle walls, all the while wearing a GoPro head cam. (I cannot WAIT to see that video.) I mean, she had to do something to entertain herself while waiting for the weak links of the team to catch up to her, right?

Mud Patties Rule!
(Those boulders are real)
Seriously though, we all signed up to have a hell of a lot of mud-slinging, body bruising fun and that's exactly what we accomplished. The vertical climb at the beginning was quite the challenge. Many people walked it, pacing themselves, considering all the crazy obstacles that the twisted, sick minds of the Met Con Blue organizers concocted for their recruits further up the mountain. I soon found my mantra of "You can do this. You can do this" turned into, "You paid for this. You paid for this. Hahahaha. You paid for this." (Sort of like an insane narrator from an Edgar Allan Poe tale. Maybe it was the oxygen deprivation at the high altitude, I don't know.)

The "scariest" part, to me, was probably when I had to force myself to submerge fully under icy cold brown water, under a floating log (as in a wood log. Frig! Not like the "floating log" in the pool scene from Caddyshack. You middle-aged movie buffs will remember that one.) Although who knows, right? Ewwww! Anyway, despite its murkiness, the water felt invigorating on the hot, sunny day that it was.

Me & Dawn = Middle-Aged Crazy Girl Power.
(Friends for nearly 35 years)
The most difficult parts for me, and the reason my pecs and external obliques are so sore today, were any obstacles that had to do with climbing/scaling a wall. If it wasn't for the help from our stronger team mates, I would still be there now. Push myself up and over? Ha! I became nothing better than a limp rag doll as the bicep babes on our team pushed my sorry ass and yanked me up (and I'm sure felt like heaving me over) so I could sling my leg over and jump down to the other side. I must admit, our strong team members were great. They bit their tongues and cheered us helpless cases onward and upward, telling us we were doing great. That's what makes a great team. In fact, many strong people helped the physically challenged in this race. There was even a guy competing in a wheelchair (who I later learned was the incredible, unstoppable Chris Stoutenburg) with a whole team cheerily manoeuvring him through all kinds of terrain and obstacles. Awesome sight to see. 

The most hilarious moments happened right at the end. Our video-camera-wielding leader Janate (the one who convinced us to sign up for this journey into madness and whose husband, after editing the video, is convinced she is going to lose friends if she keeps this mud run enthusiasm up) hopped into the little mud box (picture a sand box but with higher walls, that you have to climb into, and just replace the sand with oozing muck that fills your socks and shoes up to about mid-calf) and relentlessly started flinging big gobs of muck at her fellow team-mates. "It's a MUD RUN after all!!" Janate roared with delight. "GO MUDDY OR GO HOME!" We returned fire, naturally. (I wonder if one could drown another person in mud...I paid for this...I paid for this...haahahaha. I digress.)

Mission Accomplished
(Note to daughter for next year: Bring a clean pair of shoes for post-race!)


Loved how creative people got with their team t-shirts. 
(If you haven't seen the "Honey Badger Don't Give a Shit" YouTube video that inspired the team name above, take a look. It is hilarious. And who doesn't love Betty White's inspirational mantra for living a long life!)

Thank you to these people I don't even know for letting me take your picture.
Then we were hit with the final obstacle that was strategically placed right before the chip-timed finish line. A wall that resembled a half-pipe. (I asked my former skateboarding husband what he thought it was, and he said "quarter-pipe" so we'll go with that. At any rate, it was frigging high.) Long story short - I think it took Dawn and I at least half a dozen tries of running up that wall before the rest of our team (except the young lads, who abandoned us in favour of a better finishing time. Heartless creatures.) finally were able to catch us and haul our sorry asses to the top. Toooo funny! My daughter and her friend managed to mount it on their first respective tries. (But they're young and strong and beautiful. So whatever.) All the while spectators and the emcee cheered us on. I even had a feisty old guy coaching me from the sidelines: "You must RUN up the wall! RUN up the wall! FASTER! FASTER!" (OK! OK! I paid for this! I paid for this! Hahahahahahaha)

At an average pace of 18 minutes per kilometre, this was by far the longest 5 K event of which I have ever had the pleasure of taking part. Thanks to our great team of nine, many of whom could have easily kicked ass with awesome race results had they done it on their own, we all had a fantastic time, with enough sore muscles and mild bruises to keep us bragging for a few more days at least.

Rah Rah Mud Patties! See you all next year, PLUS some new recruits! (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE and if you don't, you soon will.)

OK I've been sitting on my butt composing this for an hour or so. Time to get out of my chair. Helloooo? Help! Family members? Anyone?? OUCHHHHH!

One "clean" shot amongst all the dirty pictures.

Thank you to Logan for the great photos.
Too bad you won't be taking them next year, 'cause you'll be in the race.

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